Image by Kowit Phothisan

Self-Care... Pretty in Pain

    I'm starting... to realize that this pain isn't going anywhere. It hurts.. .all the time. I'm some kind of sore every minute of the day. I used to wake up feeling normal, typical. A usual 20-something with energy and vitality, and feeling GOOD. Now, I wake up and my default setting is "ouchie." I start out the day with a debt of energy and pain. It's not normal anymore. Realizing that this will be a new reality and that it's not going to stop.... If I'm being honest here, and why not?, I have to tell you that it's undermining my thoughts and my sleep and my confidence in things. Life. Decisions. Something is up with my brain, probably, and I'm sure that if I talked to a therapist it'd have a name of some kind. Nightmares are happening, I'm jerky and twerky -wait, no, not that...- twitchy-, and can't think in a straight line for a whole day. I don't know how much it's all connected, but it's definitely a change. I wonder if I can point to a drug that changed things. Lupron, maybe. It's definitely commonly said to have major side effects, and that's when all of this started, but the doctor who prescribed it answered that NO other patient has EVER reported anything similar so it must not be possible. I find this an insufficient answer, personally... but maybe that's just me. Anywaaaay... I'm adjusting. It's a constant adjustment. Poor Tim is being as helpful as he can but he feels as helpless as I do. I'm taking a break from hairstyling because my hands and arms won't let me do my work anymore. We'll see if anything changes or if I find anything new in my research soon.


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